Keep Austin 170 Miles From Here

Everyone has seen the t-shirts that say “Keep Austin Weird.” The slogan started at the turn of the century as a show of support for local businesses.  Then came the t-shirts and bumper stickers, and like another famous slogan in Texas, this rallying cry became something that Austinites used to show their outside-the-mainstream culture, their “weird” diversity, and their love of all things different.  Lest we forget “Don’t Mess With Texas” used to be about littering.

Since that time, other cities have taken up the slogan’s bones in the format of “Keep (City Name) (Attribute).”  Most notably, there’s “Keep College Station Normal.”  This speaks not only to the ancient rivalry between UT and A&M, but to College Station’s more conservative bent.  When someone from College Station wants to rag on Austin they will, without fail, used the phrase “purple hair” as a pejorative.  “This kind of individualism (that a lot of people do, it seems) isn’t tolerated in College Station!”  This is usually followed by a lot of harrumphing.  But I digress…this is not about College Station.  After all, they gave the world Freebird’s.

There’s a new shirt springing up around Houston.  “Keep Austin 170 Miles Away”.  When my Houston friends and I heard this slogan, we howled with laughter.  Double-over, crying laughter.  Cleansing, therapeutic laughter.  Why?  Because we live in Houston and frankly, we know the score.  Houston is built on a swamp.  The air here is barely breathable.  If you don’t have a car, chance are excellent that you’re not leaving the house.  Our sports teams kind of suck.  A lot.  We’re not considered a college town, even though we have two major universities, three smaller universities, and a downright decent community college system.  As Houstonians, all of this keeps our egos firmly in check.

But damn it, H-town is fantastic.  The food here is amazing, and completely lacks all pretention.  The sheer volume of high-quality culture rivals any of the largest cities in the US.  The Menil is arguably the best and most accessible art museum in the country.  When the National Museum of Ethiopia needed remodeling, they sent Lucy to HMNS.  We get our fair share of touring music, and the Woodlands Pavilion can’t be beat.  The economy of the city is strong, and jobs are available.  Most importantly, I’m convinced that the people of this city are the nicest and friendliest in the state.  We all know that we live in a swamp, but we’re making the best of it.  We’re humble, but deep down we know that Houston is great.  So why “Keep Austin 170 Miles From Here”?  Because while it is undoubtedly a beautiful town with a lot to offer, we just don’t have room for the ego.

A month from now KB and I move to Austin.  God help us.