Seriously, Austin?

It was like something out of Orwell’s Animal Farm if Animal Farm had been about vehicles.  You know: one wheel good, two wheels bad!  As we drove through what I’m told is called Hyde Park, the unicyclist emerged right in front of us, almost as if materializing out of nothingness.  One minute, an empty street.  Then, suddenly, unicycle.  The rider’s air of smugness and superiority was a thick as the most delicious bacon imaginable.  He continued on his way undaunted by observers, firm in his belief that not only were two- (God forbid, four-) wheeled modes of transport inferior, but that you’d be able to grate cheese of his abs by the time he made it to his adult kickball league.  Fine, artisan cheese.  Granted, I am assuming to know his inner monologue here, but how far off could I be, right?  Dude was on a unicycle.



One of these.



So this is how you welcome us, Austin?  You send out the Ambassador for Unicycles to welcome us to our new home.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have nothing against the unicycle per se, nor do I have anything against Austin, despite my smarminess.  Heck, some of my dearest friends in the world live in Austin, along with friends I have yet to meet (too cheesy?).  I’m not even sure why this irked me as much as it did.  Was it because he seemed to choose this mode of conveyance solely because he wanted to be “unique”?  Was it so he could tell people he rode a unicycle everywhere?  Was he a clown college dropout?  Okay, if it’s the last one he totally gets a reprieve because I can’t juggle either.

An improvement.

I guess it’s the sheer, brazen impracticality of the thing.  No one would choose to ride a unicycle because it is a convenient way to get from Point A to Point B.  One would only choose this to make some sort of statement, but the fact that he was riding through a neighborhood in the middle of the day on a Tuesday suggest he’s not in this for the audience.  I just can’t get my head around the idea of doing something so impractical just to make a point.

I suppose that is untrue, though.  Opinions are formed from ideals, the most impractical part of the human person.  Any statement we make expressing those ideals exposes some part of us that is set deep within, daring others to critique that which we hold dear.  I think the fear of rejection runs pretty deep within a lot of people, so putting yourself on display like that is a huge risk.  It’s a bold thing to step forward and bare your soul.  Or your unicycle.

So here’s to you, Mono-Wheeled Nameless Austinite: keep rolling along.  For God’s sake, wear a helmet.