I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about empathy and sympathy lately, particularly their differences. Let’s be trite and start with definitions, shall we?
Empathy:
1: the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
Sympathy:
1: an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other
2: the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another
Ok, that’s a lot of words, so let me attempt to (perhaps over-) simplify. To sympathize is to feel emotions alongside someone because of your relationship with them, and to empathize is to attempt to feel exactly what someone else is feeling in an effort to understand their point of view.
I’ve heard and read things lately suggesting that empathy is the greater value, and one that is lacking in modern society, but I believe this to be an inherently flawed thesis. I think empathy is, at its core, a selfish and self-centered notion, and that sympathy is the greater virtue.
When someone feels any emotion, good or bad, it is a uniquely subjective experience. The happiness felt at the birth of a child varies from one person to the next. It is built on years of back-story and the events leading up to that joyous moment. When a loved one dies, each person’s grief is different based on their relationship to that person and their own feelings towards their own mortality. I would argue that emotions are just like snowflakes and fingerprints: no two are the same, and everyone’s are unique because of their complexity.
To claim empathy is to claim that you know exactly what someone else is going through and feeling, and thus can relate to them on a deeper level. It is to project oneself into a given situation and, after seeking understanding of how one would react, claim to know what someone is going through. I find this a selfish notion. We can’t know the feeling of others; we can only know our own feelings and what others share with us. Empathy results in the statement “I know what you’re going through.”
Sympathy, on the other hand, is essentially our own reaction to another person’s emotions. Because of our relationship with them, we are happy when they are happy, and we hurt to see them hurt. It is to feel “alongside”, rather than “through”. The real miracle of sympathy comes when we hurt or rejoice with those we do not know or have a relationship with just because they are people, too. Because we rejoice with our brothers and sisters when they are happy, and we hurt to see another in the grip of grief. Sympathy says “I am here with you now” instead of “I was here once”.
Empathy is a goal you cannot and probably woudl not want to actually attain. Your own feelings are more than enough most of the time (I know mine are). But let others know that you care. Sympathize.
